69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
