Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize