his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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