Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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