who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
