That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize