Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
