when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I will be naked everywhere
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
