Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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