you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
