Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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