How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
