i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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