hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
