so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
