Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
COCAINE IS GR8
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
