We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
