Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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