Having a random hookup so left but love u
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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