she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
