how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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