i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
