Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
