i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
