So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
