My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize