1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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