Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
