She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
