It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
