hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
