Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
