Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
