I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
