im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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