So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
