Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
