Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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