Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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