Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
