It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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