you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
