I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
