Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
