So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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