I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
