i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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