we have pet lesbian snakes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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