fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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