Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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