1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize