I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's shark week go big or go home
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
how drunk are you?
Several
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
