Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
