Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
