He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
40s are totally the cure
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
