can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
