I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
