I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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