why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
