just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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