Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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