last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
