girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
