wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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