Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I need moral support for this bender
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
