I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
