Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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