I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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