i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
