well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
