She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
