and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
