His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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