cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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