Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
