ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
