When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
