How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
