I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
