My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
