Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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