dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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