i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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