just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize