Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
