Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
